What makes a good parent?

“ Behind every young child that believes in themselves is a parent that believed first”

- Matthew Jacobson

Raising a child is perhaps the most privileged role many of us will ever have in life. To watch a child, grow from a helpless baby to an independent adult is an amazing life experience. But it doesn’t come without its challenges not least because you just never know if you are doing it right.

Before I go on, I don’t promote parenthood over not having children. In fact, I think deciding to not have children is brave considering the pressure in society for us to have our 2.2 family structure. And I certainly believe that some people just shouldn’t be allowed to have children but that’s a whole other topic.

Anyway, now let’s consider the question “What makes a good parent?”

The question of what makes a good parent is a complex one with endless opinions and expert advice. Some will tell us that it’s best to pick a baby up as soon as it cries while another will argue that it’s best to let them scream it out. Personally I could never understand the “let a baby scream” theory but that’s just my opinion.

I first became a mother when I was twenty-five and seemed to fall into the role quite naturally. Maybe that was because I grew up with a younger brother and then an aunty at seventeen, so I was used to having children around.

By the age of thirty I had three boys. I’d have to write a long book to cover the challenges I had to go through to bring them up. The eldest hated school, the middle one was easy going and the youngest was an interesting adventure. I’ve only just started sleeping soundly and they are in their thirties!

To be a good parent you must learn to trust yourself and believe that you know your child best. So listen to advice and learn from other but ultimately you will have your own parenting style.

Many parents forget to live their lives after they have children. They stop following their dreams and give up the things they love to do. And whilst of course there are practical restrictions while we bring up our children it shouldn’t mean that we stop living our lives.

If our children grow up in a household where there is no ambition, adventure and zest for life, then how do you think they will view the world?

However, if they see their parents living fully, being courageous, open minded and resourceful then it will keep them curious about the world.

And in case you are thinking that to that you must have money, then you are mistaken. Even with limited resources you can still help your child see that opportunity exists and that they are capable of doing what they want.

If all you do is sit around moaning about life, then that is all your child will ever know.

So, the number one thing you can do for your child is live your life to the fullest. Don’t use your child as an excuse and then end up living your life through them that is a huge burden for any child.

Ps: that doesn’t mean put yourself before your child. It goes without saying that a good parent will take good care of their child, full stop!

But just remember to hold space for yourself.

You are their role model, so be a good one.

Sometimes we forget that our children are watching and listening. So its best to practice what you preach one thing because they will notice and one day they will throw it in your face!

Do your best but also let them know you are human, they don’t need perfection they want real.

I often hear people say that we shouldn’t talk to children about our mistakes but I disagree. If we are honest with our children about not always getting things right, then we give them permission to also make mistakes. That helps them accept themselves as they are without feeling they have to be perfect human beings.

Hold them close, keep them safe but don’t suffocate them. Give them space to explore, to find out for themselves and to grow as humans.

They are your children, but you don’t own them, they aren’t yours to tell how to live their lives. Give them advice, show them options and then let them make their own choices. Yes it’s hard to watch your child make mistakes but that is how they will grow into resilient adults.

And I’d like to leave you with these points:

• If you love yourself, live your life to the fullest, then you won’t need your children to be filling your unfulfilled life. That’s a damaging expectation.

• Don’t spend all your life working hard to give your children things while you miss being in their lives, getting to know them and being there when they really need you.

• Never compare your children to others, not even to each other. Respect their uniqueness, they need to know you do.

• Don’t let the education system stifle your child’s creativity and growth. Teachers don’t know everything nor can they predict your childs future.

  My parenting style might have been a little unconventional, especially, or perhaps precisely because I was a teacher.

  But I always listened to what my child had to say before accepting the teachers word because I wanted my child know I had his back. Is that good, well all I know is that they’ve grown up to be well adjusted adults.

• Lets be honest with our children. Is it true that the best thing they can do in life is to be good at school, get good grades and then get a good job? Is that really the recipe for happiness or is there perhaps more to life?

Remember, a good parent takes care of their child, but also takes care of themselves.

Live your life to the fullest, and let your children see the amazing person that you are. This is the greatest gift you can give your child.

And if you need help with any of this please do book a complimentary chat with me to see how I can help.