Education, Behaviour, and Responsibility: Why We Must Stop Passing the Buck
A New Challenge: Stepping Into the Unknown
In January this year, I took a job in a school deemed to 'require improvement' by Ofsted. When I accepted the role as Subject Lead for Computer Science, I knew what I was getting myself into. After all, in my almost three decades in the industry, I have not only held similar roles but also worked for two of the largest academy trusts in the country, where my primary responsibility was to support schools classified as inadequate or requiring improvement.
But if life has taught me anything, it is that you might think you know—but the reality is often very different. And so, I stepped into this new challenge, which I told myself would be my last (though, let’s be honest, never say never!). I knew it was going to be tough, and it didn’t fail to meet those expectations. Above all, the behaviour—'challenging' would be putting it mildly—even brought me to tears at one point.
The Daily Struggle and Self-Reflection
I went home every day swearing I would leave, that I’d find a new job and get out of there. And yet, something kept pulling me back. I’d spend my evenings reflecting on what I could do differently. I lay awake at night thinking about individual students—how I could help them engage, how I could make them want to learn.
And then I found myself slipping into a narrative that we, as teachers, sometimes do—seeing the children and their parents as the ‘enemy.’ It was all their fault, right? If only they would behave. If only they would raise their children correctly.
A Shift in Perspective
Then I thought about my own childhood—growing up in a tough part of London, attending a school that was eventually shut down, and leaving without any qualifications. And my own children—had I been a perfect parent? Not even close.
I recalled Viktor Frankl’s words in Man’s Search for Meaning, written from his experience as a concentration camp survivor:
“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”
I returned to my Buddhist teachings and questioned my own ability to approach each lesson with compassion—to separate the behaviour from the child.
A Wake-Up Call
But it was ultimately watching the four-part series Adolescence that truly woke me up. When the parents in the documentary finally accepted the truth, and the father repeated over and over, “We made him”—it hit me hard. We have it all wrong.
Children are not to blame for the mess we have created.
We, as adults, need to own that.
Children shouldn’t be burdened with the responsibility of raising themselves—that’s our job. Yet increasingly, we bargain with them. We blur boundaries. We give them option after option when, in reality, they don’t just want us to take control—they need us to.
More than that, we must protect our children.
This isn’t just an individual responsibility—it’s a societal one.
Raising Expectations, Not Lowering Them
For a while, I considered lowering my expectations. If they can’t behave, why should I bother? But then I decided—no, absolutely not. If the some of the adults around these children don’t expect much from them, that’s on them.
I know from experience that a difficult home life or a dismissive school environment doesn’t define your future. I was once told point-blank by a teacher that I wouldn’t achieve much. They were wrong.
In fact, I’d argue that, with the right mindset, your background has little to do with your chances of success.
So, no—I won’t be expecting less from these kids. It’s not in my DNA to do that.
A Call to Action for Adults
And here’s my two pence for the adults who might be interested:
Pay attention to your kids. Don’t just hand them a phone and send them to their rooms because it’s easier. Sometimes, yes—but all the time? Definitely not!
Monitor them—and, sadly, I have to say this—don’t blindly trust them. They will say anything to get their own way. Believe me, my own kids tell me stories now of what they got up to, and I’m appalled that I didn’t see it. Then I remember—I was just the same when I was younger. In fact, I was an expert at it.
Teachers (and parents!) — don’t lower your expectations. All children can achieve, given the right conditions.
Technology isn’t going away. We must stop pretending we can return to a time without it. That isn’t going to happen. Instead, we need to better understand the world our children are growing up in and equip them with the tools they need to thrive.
Our Collective Responsibility
Above all, we must remember:
We are the adults here.
Yes, children must take responsibility for their actions—that goes without saying.
But if we, as a society, aren’t willing to take responsibility for raising them right, what chance do they have?
We need to stop passing the buck. It’s the teachers’ responsibility, it’s the parents’ responsibility—it’s all our responsibility!
Ps: If you haven’t read my book, How did I get here? then now’s the time to get your copy - Available on Amazon or to order at your favourite bookstore.