Raising a Child to Soar: The Art of Letting Go
One of the most profound truths of parenthood is this: To raise a child who is comfortable enough to leave you means you’ve done your job well. As parents, our natural instinct is to nurture, protect, and hold our children close. But the ultimate goal is not to keep them close—it is to equip them with the confidence and skills to soar on their own.
They Are Not Ours to Keep
From the moment a child is born, they begin the slow journey toward independence. First steps, first words, first days of school—each milestone is a step away from us and toward the world. While it’s tempting to cling tightly, true love lies in teaching them how to navigate life without fear.
But lately, I've observed a shift in how children approach life, especially in classrooms. Many are reluctant to try things out, instead sitting passively, waiting to be told exactly what to do. When it comes to digital tools or learning activities, it's often a simple command to "click that button and see what happens"—a moment where curiosity should spark but is instead stifled by a lack of independence. In these moments, it’s clear that our role isn't just to guide but also to empower them to experiment, fail, and learn on their own.
Our Role as Guides, Not Controllers
Our children are not extensions of us, nor are they ours to control. They are individuals with their own paths to walk. Yet, I see many parents who inadvertently blur the boundaries, offering so many options that the child is left unsure of how to behave or what decision to make. The responsibility lies with us as adults—not to coddle, but to provide structure, to set clear boundaries, and to create a sense of confidence in our children that their actions matter.
It’s disheartening to see parents resist enforcing consequences for unacceptable behaviour, often under the guise of "love." True love requires courage—courage to be the adult, to make the hard choices that shape a child's sense of responsibility. When we hesitate to set limits, we may inadvertently rob our children of the opportunity to learn and grow. After all, it is not their role to manage themselves yet; that responsibility lies with us.
We also need to remember that the world our children will live in isn’t always kind. There will undoubtedly be difficulties—and sometimes extreme ones. Is it not our duty to prepare them to weather all of life’s ups and downs, not just the fairytale we seem to be raising them to live in? They must learn to face adversity, to confront challenges head-on, and to navigate the inevitable setbacks that will come their way.
Teaching Confidence, Not Dependence
So how do we raise children who are ready to face the world with strength and courage? It starts with the lessons we teach at home and in school:
Encourage independence early. Let them make choices, take risks, and learn from mistakes, even when they struggle.
Foster emotional resilience. Teach them that failure is not an end but a beginning, a chance to grow stronger.
Lead by example. Show them what it means to be adaptable, brave, and kind.
Let go of fear-based parenting. Don’t instil unnecessary anxieties—trust in their ability to figure things out.
Set clear boundaries. It is our responsibility as adults to maintain structure and help children understand that choices come with consequences.
The Bittersweet Joy of Letting Go
Letting go is never easy. The first time they ride a bike without stabilisers, the day they move out, the moment they start a life of their own—it tugs at the heart. But these are not losses. They are proof that we have done our jobs well.
A bird doesn’t cling to its young; it teaches them to fly. And when they do, it watches with pride, not fear. As parents, we must do the same. Because in the end, our greatest success is not in keeping them close, but in knowing they are ready to take on the world with confidence, kindness, and the knowledge that they are always loved.
Final Thoughts
Raising a child to be independent is one of the greatest acts of love. It is not about pushing them away but about preparing them to stand on their own. And when they finally spread their wings and soar, we can find peace in knowing that we have given them the greatest gift of all—the freedom to become who they are meant to be.
So, when the time comes, let them go. Watch them fly. And take pride in the love that made it possible.
For a deeper understanding of how crucial our early years are in shaping our adult lives, take a look at my book, How Did I Get Here?