Changing the World by Changing our Narratives from the Past

In my book, 'How Did I Get Here?', I explore in depth the theme around living in alignment with our true self by letting go of the past. This profound personal growth not only benefits us personally but carries the potential to disrupt the cycles of generational patterns.

In Stephen R. Covey’s renowned work, ‘The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People,’ his son, Sean, supplements the book with a final section on “Becoming the Transition Person.” Here, he emphasises the importance of reframing the stories of our past to prevent them negatively being passed on to future generations.

Fundamentally, a primary focus in life should be to try and set things straight, especially when we notice a recurring theme passed down to us that doesn't benefit us or the younger generation. This is a concept I explore extensively in my book and during coaching sessions, guiding individuals through this vital process.

The following excerpt from my book highlights this essential point:

“Once I facilitated a support group for individuals suffering from incurable cancer, which included two elderly members who faced unique challenges. One of the members was not only battling cancer but also had to cope with the recent loss of her husband. Whenever we interacted, she appeared to have lost her reason to live.

The other member, an eighty-year-old man who appeared scruffy, warned me during our initial meeting that he had Tourette’s and might unintentionally shout out some profanities. He felt compelled to apologise in advance. However, I assured him that, having grown up in Tottenham, I had probably heard it all before.

In the following weeks, both individuals opened up and shared their tales of regret. The man, in particular, confided in us that his children didn’t like him and were unwilling to communicate with him due to his past behaviour towards them.

So, I asked both of them this question:

“How would you like to be remembered? As miserable, unloving, individuals, or happy, loving parents?”

A few weeks later as I walked into the cancer support centre the lady’s daughter was sitting in the waiting room. She introduced herself to me and told me how much her mother had changed. She had started going swimming and smiled a lot more. In that session the man told us that he had apologised to his children, and they had started to visit him again.”

This account vividly demonstrates that although we cannot alter our past, we possess the power to shape the memories we leave behind.

Yet, achieving this demands a conscious commitment for personal transformation. More significantly, it necessitates our genuine concern for righting any pain we might have inflicted upon others.

This leads me to a pivotal realisation, one deeply relevant in today's world witnessing conflicts and bloodshed, mainly in the name of beliefs passed down through generations.

This hits home for me due to my decision to leave Cyprus after a decade there.

Growing up in London's diverse community, I never questioned the equality of those around me; it was intrinsic to my perspective.

As my kids started school in Cyprus, I began feeling increasingly uneasy about how divisive attitudes were being taught, especially the animosity between the Greeks and Turks. Back in my school days, I had friends of Turkish descent, and I couldn't connect with the negative teachings aimed at them.

It bothered me that these ideas were being passed on to the younger generation. What troubled me more was that my children hadn't met anyone from Turkish or in fact any diverse background, leaving them open to viewing these groups as potential threats.

As my boys were growing up, the looming expectation of compulsory military service and continued indoctrination made me realise I couldn't keep subjecting my children to that environment. Alongside my own increasing sense of suffocation in a small country, I made the choice to return to the UK.

Despite the prevalent negativity some associate with the UK, my upbringing in this country has left me feeling immensely fortunate. Growing up here exposed me to a rich tapestry of diversity, instilling within me a deep gratitude. It taught me to value individuals based on their kindness and personality rather than things like religion, race, gender, or sexual orientation—factors that, in reality, only create divisions that benefit only a select few.

These unscrupulous powers thrive on seeding hatred and creating illusory enemies across the world, manipulating us into fighting their wars while they count the dollars.

So, I urge everyone to stop for a moment and to think about the stories we are passing on to the next generation.

Are we brave enough to be the ‘Transition Person’, the one that changes the future perspective or are we going to be compliant in the continuing hatred for an enemy that doesn’t really exist?

This, I fear, is where human agency comes into play— our choice to cease being pawns in the game of war and reject participation in an agenda that enriches a select few while the bodies of innocent people pile up on both sides.

As we search for a purpose in life, perhaps we should consider that what we are here for is to change the stories that are passed on and instead of hatred, pass on love.

Isn’t that a worthy life ambition?

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