How to Get Revenge After a Breakup or Divorce

I don’t know if there’s any emotion stronger than anger following a breakup, especially if you have been treated badly by your ex.

I remember at the beginning of my marriage breakup feeling angry alot! I was so angry at my ex husband back then. Afterall we were married for 30 years and a couple for 34; that’s a long time!

In my book, How Did I Get Here?, I write in detail about the moment I found out that my ex-husband was cheating. He went from being my trusted partner, to ‘who the heck is that?’ in an instant.

So is it any surprise that when this happens we would feel angry? I think actually anger is mild; it’s more like rage, such strong emotions that there’s no way to control them.

Angry at the lies, angry that they betrayed you, angry that they took the best years of your life.

Then there’s the anger at yourself.

Angry that you didn’t see it coming, angry that you compromised so much for him/her, angry for so much!

It was in those first few weeks, when the emotions were raw, that someone said,

“Don’t get mad, get even!”

Back then I didn’t quite understand.

‘Get even?’ I wondered.

Does this mean do something terrible to him? Because believe me, at times I really did think he deserved that.

But I soon realised that ‘don’t get mad, get even’ meant something completely different.

After the crazy few months passed and I moved into my own place for the first time in over three decades, I began to understand what I had to do.

You see, the worst thing you can do to someone who hurt you, let you down, and may even have wished harm on you, is to go out there and damn live your life.

Not just live it but make it the best part of your life.

And so when that realisation actually sunk in for me, I made a promise to myself that from then on my life would be exactly that: my life.

Of course, by then my children had grown up, so I had more freedom. However, I knew that even if they were younger, I would have still not allowed myself to live small. I mean, that was never who I was anyway.

So, if you’ve read my book, you’ll know that I travelled, spent time in a Buddhist monastery, worked with street children in Nepal, trained to teach mindfulness, and supported people living with cancer and those at the end of their lives.

Since my divorce I’ve explored, met incredible people, and I done some crazy things!

And because I know from personal experience how traumatising a breakup and divorce can be, I've made it my life's mission to help those dealing with a breakup or divorce see that this isn't the end, but rather the beginning of the best chapter of their lives.

So in answer to the question,

"How to get revenge after a breakup,"

the simple answer is:

make your life after your breakup or divorce, the best life you can.

I quit smoking shortly after my divorce, started regularly exercising, and practising meditation. I changed my diet dramatically, and my health has improved so much that I no longer suffer from chronic back pain like I did even when I was younger.

The point being that our body holds onto our stress and trauma until it finds an outlet, which usually manifests into an illness. So I truly believe that my divorce made me sit up and pay attention to my own health, and it has paid off. I am healthier at 62 than I was at 52.

That’s got to be a bonus, right?

Again, I expand on the topic of the body holding onto trauma in my book.

So let me ask you a really important question.

Do you think your ex would be more upset if you constantly show them how angry you still are by texting them, following them, or being rude to them, or would they be more disappointed to see you flying, blooming, and loving your life?

Of course, this doesn’t apply to all exes.

I know some might actually want the best for us, even if they don’t show it. But in my case, I believe in the beginning my ex-husband really wasn’t rooting for me!

And so when I eventually said thank you to him for cheating, he wasn’t receptive to my gratitude. In fact, he was extremely uncomfortable because I know he wasn’t expecting those words from me.

And believe me, I grew up with divorce and I’d wished my parents could have been more civil; it would have been so much easier for us as their children.

Now, I hope I’ve given you some food for thought and that you feel at least a little inspired to go out there and live your life because your breakup or divorce does not have to be the end nor does it have to determine the rest of your life, well, not in a negative way at least.

And let me leave you with these five steps to not get mad but get even, after your breakup or divorce:

1. Take a good look at your life and find everything you are grateful for. Treasure those things.

2. Acknowledge where life is difficult right now and know that there are ways to make changes, even if just small ones.

3. Make a list of the things you can change right now, however small!

4. Promise yourself that you will live the rest of your life honouring yourself because you deserve it!!

5. If this is difficult or seems unachievable, then reach out, I’m here to help!

3 Steps to Transform Your Breakup into a Breakthrough ⬇️

1. The Break Up

2. The Fix Up

3. Breakup & Divorce Coaching

   Or start by downloading you free, ‘10 Steps to Healing & Moving on After a Breakup or Divorce’