The Power of Not Needing to Be Liked

The older I get, the more I am convinced that there is a resource we all have—a natural part of this human experience that acts as our personal guide—if only we would stop to listen. Call it whatever you want; it makes no difference. However, learning to pay attention to what I like to call our inner knowing, intuition, or even our higher consciousness is often the hardest thing to do.

Let me put this into context.

I’ve made some difficult decisions in my life because I’ve struggled with the idea of giving up my freedom to fit into a world that never quite seemed right. This is something I talk about in detail in my book, 'How Did I Get Here?'

So now to the point of this post.

Because of this fundamental belief that, for me to be truly happy with my life, I must remain true to myself and, more than anything, I must do my utmost to maintain my freedom. And that has meant that for most of my life, I’ve lived a rather unconventional life—not able to stick to a job for too long and not able to go along with the rules just because someone said that’s how things should be.

I’ve often made decisions that others may see as unwise and even wreckless. I’ve even been called ‘strange’ by some! However, I have a sneaky suspicion that it’s not so much that I am strange, but that people struggle to understand my viewpoint. But age has given me the self-confidence to know who I am and to embrace that without judgment.

I’ve often been asked how I can be so self-focused, and this makes me understand that these people have no idea who I am because to have a high regard for yourself is not the same as being self-centred. In fact, it’s quite the opposite because if we are not being true to ourselves, then how do we really know the intentions behind our words and actions?

You see, as a Buddhist, I have been taught that to understand and value how lucky I am to have this precious human is the foundation of true happiness.

How can we ever be unhappy if we are truly grateful for our life?

However there is more to being this way, and it boils down to this:

When you reach a stage in your life where you have no need to be liked, suddenly you are free to be as authentic as you want, but authenticity often comes at a price.

Most people spend their lives seeking and chasing approval and love from others without first finding it within themselves. And so, when they come across someone that is free from the desire to impress or be liked, it can challenge their perspective.

So, here’s the thing:

If you decide to go down the road of true self-liberation, you must be courageous enough to stand alone, at least until you find your true tribe, and even then, be willing to let that go when it is called for.

Now, this is what most people struggle with:

the choice between being alone and true to yourself, or avoiding the sense of aloneness that many find difficult. This is where you may become a slave to what others think, choosing always to fit in.

Needing to be liked is a trap, not caring what others think is freedom in its deepest sense.

But before you go off in judgment let me ask you this:

Let's say you are driving, and you stop to let someone cross the road and they don’t even acknowledge you with a smile or thank you, what will you think?

Most often we will react with something like ‘ungrateful person’ or something similar. And this is when we know our intentions weren’t entirely sincere because somewhere deep down, we want to feel like we are a good person, and by them not acknowledging our good deed, our ego is a little hurt.

Whereas if we just do something for the sake of it, just because that’s who we are and have no need for validation from others, then everything we do is from a pure place. However, to do that we must be pure of heart, and that is where not needing others to like you takes its place.

When you are free from that strong pull to be liked, then you are free to inspire, support, help, give, and love without needing it to be returned. And the prerequisite for that is to first know and accept yourself completely!

That is revolutionary – don’t you think?

I wrote this short poem on the theme of Not Needing to Be Liked.

In my own skin by Anna Zannides

In the world of freedom, it's about not caring about what others think.

Their cheers or jeers, not my primary game because loving myself, that's where I light my flame.

Let opinions flutter like leaves in the breeze,

Doing my own thing and doing it with ease.

No chains from judgments, no ties to the crowd,

In my own shoes, standing tall and proud.

I'm not chasing pats on the back or some prize,

Or adjusting my course to fit their lies.

In the mirror, it's me, no need for correction,

A picture so real, a self-love connection.

Let them talk, let them gossip all day,

Their words are just whispers, they fade away.

Whether liked or disliked, I'm my own beholder,

Because liking myself, that's the real power.

 So, forget the need for constant applause,

A content heart breaks all the rules.

In the everyday groove of self-acceptance, be free,

Liking myself, that's the real me.

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