Why Life Changes Are Challenging and How to Overcome Them
I felt inspired to write this article because this time of the year is brimming with aspirations as many of us eagerly anticipate the possibilities of the upcoming year.
We often set goals—ambitions to achieve or habits to break—with great hope, only to find ourselves shortly after either abandoning these resolutions or dismissing them as unattainable.
Why do we face such difficulty in changing our lives or breaking these unhealthy habits, despite our strong determination to do so?
In my book, 'How Did I Get Here? A Guide to Letting Go of Your Past and Living in Alignment with Your True Self,' I explore how our past shapes our present and subsequently determines our future. I emphasise that our present reality is a collection of thoughts, emotions, and actions rooted in our past experiences.
You might be familiar with the teachings often attributed to the Buddha:
‘Our life is shaped by our mind; we become what we think. Suffering follows an evil thought as the wheels of a cart follow the oxen that draws it.
Our life is shaped by our mind; we become what we think. Joy follows a pure thought like a shadow that never leaves.’
While commonly associated with the Buddha, the principle that all change originates in the mind resonates across various teachings and disciplines.
If you explore this concept personally it becomes clear that being consumed by negative thoughts leads to experiencing life in a similarly negative manner.
Conversely, embracing positive and hopeful thoughts tends to infuse life with a sense of hope.
Is this not so?
What are the Pitfalls of Goal Setting and Taking Action?
I asked Google to provide a list of the most common New Year's resolutions, and unsurprisingly, the top ones include:
Losing weight
Making time for family
Quitting smoking
Reducing alcohol consumption
Traveling more
Learning a new skill or hobby
And my personal favourite: To enjoy life to its fullest!
Among Britons who managed to keep their resolutions, they usually stuck with them for around four and a half months, until about mid-May. It's interesting to note that approximately 21% of individuals setting New Year's goals witness their resolutions fading within a month, while a larger portion—around 34%—maintain them for one to three months.
So, we can safely ascertain from these statistics that the likelihood of us keeping up with these goals is slim, but why?
Well let’s look at this question in more depth.
Our eating habits aren't recent; they've developed since birth, influenced by how our hunger was addressed from infancy or even earlier.
As adults, when we aspire to change our eating habits—specifically, to lose weight—we encounter a fundamental challenge.
The problem isn't simply about losing weight; it's getting to the root of our eating habits. To achieve weight loss, we must shift our focus from shedding pounds to transforming these habits.
Consider another common goal: quitting smoking.
From personal experience, the common approach is often not useful because it focuses on discipline. To succeed, we must first reshape our mindset about this habit.
When I smoked, I associated it with stress relief, yet the reality was quite the opposite. Extinguishing a cigarette actually triggers stress, leading to the cycle of craving.
Let's explore another aspiration: finding a new romantic partner.
Why does this goal seem challenging? Perhaps our thinking patterns hold the key. Are we pursuing a partner to ease loneliness, without considering if we're truly ready for a relationship? Are underlying negative beliefs impacting our readiness for a fulfilling partnership?
When we reflect on these profoundly human challenges, it becomes evident that the pursuit of change isn't just about taking action; it requires ongoing support through shifts in our mindset.
Let’s explore how we can improve our chances of achieving lasting change.
A Holistic Approach to Life Coaching.
Let's talk about the work I do—coaching individuals to achieve their life aspirations.
My approach differs slightly from conventional coaching. While I'm trained in life coaching, what sets me apart is my extensive experience not just in teaching mindfulness but in actively practicing it. Coming from a background in Buddhist psychology, I bring a unique perspective to help my clients reach their fullest potential.
In traditional coaching, the typical approach involves a coach asking the coachee about their goals, followed by a journey primarily focused on taking action.
Taking action is undeniably vital in achieving life ambitions. Without action, aspirations remain mere wishes. Clarifying the necessary actions to reach our goals is crucial.
However, actions rooted in old thinking—often stemming from unproductive and unhealthy mindsets—tend to result in short-lived change.
When working with coachees, my primary emphasis is on reshaping these old thought patterns and replacing them with fresh, more resourceful thinking.
In the context of weight loss, quitting smoking, or seeking a new romantic partner, I guide coachees to explore the underlying narratives rooted in their past. These stories often influence their approach to these aspects of life.
In my own life, I've put this into practice countless times. One significant instance was when I finally broke free from the grip of smoking after struggling with the addiction for years. What made the last attempt successful was approaching it from a completely different angle.
Before attempting to quit, I spent several weeks deeply considering the thoughts tied to that habit. I reflected on my triggers and the stories I told myself about smoking. Most importantly, I vividly visualised the harsh reality—the toxic smoke and poisons invading my body.
Eventually, the process of giving up wasn't a struggle at all, in fact I gave up without any resistance because I now saw the reality rather then the story I had deeply believed for years.
I'd like to leave you with this:
Five powerful strategies that can significantly help you stay on track with your goals:
Meditation: Engage in regular meditation to identify recurring thoughts that perpetuate unproductive and unhealthy patterns.
Inquiry: Ask yourself meaningful and challenging questions about the habit or goal you aim to break or establish.
Visualisation: Envision the desired outcome. What does success look like? Who will you become when this envisioned transformation manifests?
Progress Step-by-Step: Acknowledge and celebrate even the smallest steps taken toward your goal. Every forward movement counts.
Self-Compassion: On challenging days, avoid self-criticism. Instead, cultivate self-compassion. Bouncing back from setbacks distinguishes winners from those who give up. Treat yourself kindly and refocus on your path.
Now, navigating this journey alone can be challenging, so why not give yourself a better chance of success by getting help?
You can begin by exploring my book or discovering ways to Learn with Me. Moreover, if you're truly committed to achieving your goal or fulfilling a dream, consider booking a complimentary life coaching trial session with me.
Let's embark on this transformative journey together!