3 Mindful Steps to Take When You are Feeling Low
In a world where we are constantly being told that the natural state is to be happy, even the slightest indication that we lack motivation or energy to do much can feel rather unnatural. However, I don’t believe the issue lies in not feeling happy all the time. In fact, I would argue that it is perfectly natural to experience low periods in life. Indeed, we can transition from highs to lows within a single day, can't we?
So, the issue isn’t that we should always be happy or that feeling low is a problem; the real challenge lies in knowing how to better cope with those periods of feeling low. Therefore, I thought it might be useful for me to share a three-step approach that could help you when you are feeling low.
How to cope when you are feeling low:
Nothing Wrong: Let’s start with something I believe is fundamental if we are to live a more stable and content life. It is absolutely normal that at times we will feel low; there’s nothing wrong with that as it is part of being human.
I hear a lot of people tell me how they struggle with feeling low, angry, or sad, and my response is this:
Give up the struggle!
When we fight feelings of sadness, it’s like scratching an open wound. A better response is to give yourself the time you need to let it pass and to do so by taking care of yourself.
So the first thing I suggest is to rest in the midst of it all, which is something we teach in Mindfulness. To help you with that you might want to download a free guided meditation.
Now, after taking this step, what if you're unsure how to practice self-care?
Pay Attention: Your body is usually a good indicator of what needs to be taken care of. I discuss this in my book, 'How Did I Get Here?' – stress, anxiety, and all those traumatic experiences are held in the body. For example, I know that my stress is nearly always expressed through back pain, a condition that began in my teenage years.
I now understand that this period was highly stressful, with home feeling unsafe and difficult. Consequently, my body has learned to manifest difficult experiences like stress into physical symptoms like back pain. This shouldn’t really surprise us; after all, where else would our trauma go if not through our bodies?
So, before you can properly take care of yourself, you need to listen to what your body needs. Once again, this is where a simple mindfulness practice can help. I'd suggest finding a peaceful and quiet place to sit or lie down and tune into your body. A body scan might assist you with this; you can download one here.
At this point, you should be more aware of how you are really feeling and perhaps even a little more at ease with it all.
However, I’d like to point out one thing: if there’s no problem with feeling low, what might be the real issue?
Well, in my view, it’s that most people don’t know how to get out of that state, and when it lingers, it can lead to more severe problems such as depression.
So fundamentally, what we need to learn in society is not to spend our lives running away from difficulties but to know how to face them in a healthy way. The more we are able to do that, the less challenging life’s ups and downs will be.
Change Your Focus: One of the things I do with my coaching clients is help them gradually, at their own pace, shift their focus to something more resourceful. The truth is, what we focus our energy on is what becomes our reality, and the more energy we give to this one thing, the stronger it becomes.
With this in mind, the next thing I’d urge you to do is to list all the things that help you feel better. In mindfulness, we call this 'turning towards the good.' Now, let me clarify something here: when I talk about 'turning towards the good,' I am not asking you to turn a bad situation into something positive. That’s what is called toxic positivity, which is not a healthy approach to any challenge. In fact, it can often make things worse because it asks you to deny your reality.
Personally, I find that sometimes I just need silence and solitude when I’m feeling low; at other times, I may need to connect with others or talk to a friend. And often, I just need a good cuddle from my granddaughters, who I have to say can provide very healing cuddles! Sometimes, I’ll blast some great music and do a little dance; even if I don’t feel like it, it soon gets my energy lifted.
So, when you are thinking about what makes you feel better, remember that each situation instigates a different emotional response. Sometimes, we may even discover that we need something completely different. Staying open-minded to what you need now is also a necessary part of working through your low moments.
Download a free ‘Turn Towards the Good’ Worksheet ⬇️
Important Note: If a low mood persists you should talk to your doctor.